Am I Worthy?

“Am I worthy?” Three words. One powerful effect. It is a question that seems to creep in my mind, especially after experiencing failure.  I’ll be the first to admit I have failed at different areas of my life. I have failed at being a good friend. I have failed at being a boyfriend. I have failed at being a son. Worse of all, I have failed at being a good catholic.

When I say I have “failed” what I mean is that I have done actions or said things that are opposite of what it means to be a good friend, son, catholic, etc. It’s me not taking the high road. It’s me failing to act. It’s me going against principles and values that were taught to me. For example, one way I have failed at being a son is there was a point in my life when I moved away from home and I deliberately tried to drive away my family. I would never call them. I wouldn’t answer their calls. If they did reach me, I would say I was busy studying when in reality I was off doing God knows what (not anything good I can say that for sure). On multiple occasions I failed to uphold the values my parents tried to instill in me.  This is just one of a multitude of ways I have failed in my life.

Now, in the heat of the moment I do not see it as me failing to be a son, a catholic, etc. It is not until I get called out on the wrong I am doing that I then realize I have failed. It is not until I hit rock bottom that all my failures become known. It is at that point in time when the three worded question comes to mind…..“Am I Worthy?”

“Am. I. Worthy?” Once that question pops into the mind it opens the doors for a flood of negativity to burst through, for a flood of darkness to enter that drowns out whatever light I had left. I get consumed by the darkness, by the negativity telling myself “NO! You are NOT worthy!” Pretty soon the voices in my head get louder and louder telling me in various ways “I am not worthy to be called a son. I am not worthy of having a girlfriend. I am not worthy of all that I have been given. I’m not worthy of being forgiven.” It all finally gets to the point where I feel (and even once truly believed so much I almost acted on it) that I’m not worthy of living anymore. “Am I worthy?”… “No. I am not”.

False. That. Is. A. Lie. I AM worthy. All those voices in my heads telling me I’m not worthy to be called ‘son’, called ‘catholic’, to be loved and forgiven are nothing but lies. How do I know those negative voices are lies? How do I know that I am worthy? Because I’ve been told so by Him. Because He died for us.

Romans 5:8 “But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” His love for us is unconditional. While we are sinners He loved us so much that He sent his only son to die for us. His son was sacrificed so we could be forgiven. While we continued to sin as Jesus made his way to get crucified, He still loved us unconditionally that he gave his life for us. He WILLINGLY died for us. That’s how great his love is for us. By dying on that cross ever so willingly, his love tells us that we are in fact worthy.

I’m positive I am not the only one who has ever asked himself “Am I worthy?”. In fact, there are times when we do feel unworthy…unworthy of being a friend, son, daughter, boyfriend, girlfriend, unworthy of being loved. In those moments we need to remember Jesus’ death. His death proves we are indeed worthy of anything in this world. His unconditional love proves we are worthy in that while we were sinners he WILLINGLY died for us, he CHOSE to die for us. That is true love. That is how he loves us. That is how we know we are worthy of anything. If we are worthy enough that Jesus Christ died for us, then we are more than worthy to be called son, father, friend, girlfriend, and most importantly…catholic.

Question: “Am I worthy?” Answer: “Yes I am. Always.”

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